Prepping for the McHolidazed!

It’s been a harrowing week. On the personal side, I had some minor surgery to remove an alien living on my jaw (a trilogy of cysts), and found out during that procedure that I’d recently had a minor heart attack. So that put a crimp in my mood. But not for long. I have a great doctor and she shared something with me that put it all in perspective. It seems the average woman, who performs oral sex on men, has an average of 20 to 30 minor heart attacks in her lifetime during the act. So, basically, I got told to suck it up buttercup and deal with it. Which I shall.

Who said my emails weren’t informative?

That screeching sound you heard was Ryan Gatenby begging me not to discuss this on his weekly radio show, The Big Wake Up Call on WBIG. If you’d like to listen to me not discuss blow jobs on a family oriented radio station, just tune in this Friday at 9:10 AM (CDT). I’m sure I’ll find something else to talk about.

In exciting new news, I recently signed a contract to turn SPLICE, the movie, into SPLICE: the novel. It will be released by AZOTH KHEM, the same people who foisted my trilogy, THE BRITTLE RIDERS, onto the universe. While the novel will hew closely to the script I wrote, it gives me a chance to do a deep dive into the world SPLICE lives in and have some fun with a few background characters. 

In other exciting news, I seem to have a ton of shit out this holiday season. Like too much for one person to read. Hell, it’s almost too much for one person to write. Just kidding, this is just the tip of the freaking iceberg. 2020 is going to be amazing!

Anyway, ICC Magazine just dropped its annual Holiday Gift Guide and you don’t want to miss it. Chock full of coo coo coolness it also contains the hottest of the hotness. Simply put, if you can’t find something you need more than life itself within its luxurious pages, then you’ve got too much money, too few friends, and are destined to be sad forevermore.This gift guide, unfortunately, has a picture of me in it. But, fortuitously, also has multiple pictures of Little Alice and other amazing creators to take your mind off that blight.

The Hybrid Zero: 2-Pac has nothing to do with rap music and is, instead, a collection featuring magazine sized versions of JUNGLE GRRL and CASSANDRA AND THE CHANGELING SWORD. It’s a beautiful mix of boobs, beer, ninjas, and philosophy. You could be the first being, who species identifies as human, on your block to have it. The only way to get a copy is to order it from me. You can do that by responding to this email.

One sad note, I sold out of the EDGAR ALLEN POE CHRONICLES  and won’t have any more until after the first of the year. Sorry about that. But you can order a non-autographed version via the link. Signed or not, it’s a wonderful collection of reimaginings. My version of the story, THE OVAL PORTRAIT, features a robot and a darker ending than the original. After all, we all know that Poe is too lighthearted for most readers and I wanted to fix that.

However, I do have a few, less than ten, copies of TRUMPOCALYPSE. My story, THE GOOD LORD SHALL PROVIDE, is the happy tale of a future where the 1% live in gated communities and, if they don’t please the Trump heirs, are thrown out to become food for the rest of the world. Them’s good eating! There’s also cherry flavored opioids and Masta-Don dildos. Seriously, what more could you ask for this holiday season?

If you want to order from Amazon instead of me, you have some solid options.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: The classic tale and an anthology of twists, retellings, and sequels – This book contains the original version of the tale by Robert Louis Stevenson plus a diverse group of authors providing their own takes on the classic. This debuted at #1, on Amazon, in two Y/A categories, on Black Friday and shows no signs of slowing down. My story, HANK AND EDDY: BRO WARS takes an odd look at it all, and provides a bit of a surprise. 100% of the net proceeds go to Deaf Blind International

Just a Minor Malfunction – Issue #5 – This is a collection of some of the best, up and coming, sci-fi writers in the world … and me. My story, GEORGE, was originally titled BREASTS IN SPACE. It’s a satirical look at the current Young Adult market and features actual samples of what happens when an artificial intelligence attempts to write GAME OF THRONES. Yeah, it’s as twisted a you’re hoping.

Sci-Fi Lampoon Autumn 2019 – This highly anticipated debut  of, what will be, an ongoing anthology series, features works from me and G.D. Deckard, Jeffrey G. Roberts, David Perlmutter, Stephanie Barr, G. Dean Manuel, John H. Dromey, a. stump, Boris Glikman, Ian K. & Christopher Scalzi, Stephen McQuiggen, Mike Van Horn, Tallis Steelyard, Richard Dalglish, Joseph Darlington, Rodney Milton, and Margret Treiber. My story, VORBLISS, is the most fun you can have with a psychic nun and a fatal disease and is not a good idea to give to younger, or more sensitive, readers.

Get all three of these and impress your friends with how much cooler you are than them.

I also have copies of all my awesome comics, and a foreign anthology – GODS OF CLAY, available and will ship them for free, in the Continental U.S., if you order any three by December 31, 2019. All you need to do is write me at, click this link, or respond to this email, and I’ll hook you up.

If you order this week you’ll have them in time for Christmas. 

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week!