Did you ever let rip a fart that was louder than two Harleys with bad timing belts trapped in an echo chamber? Whose fumes were so noxious as to be joyous? Yeah, well, apparently my wife, she who is the light of my life, the spark to all that is joy, the beauty which trancends the ethereal, is less than thrilled with my emanations. Oh well, you can’t pleae everyone.
When I was first shopping The Brittle Riders to film production companies one producer told me “If it’s a good enough project we’ll find the fucking money.” That is, somewhat, true. But, getting a film produced isn’t a linear thing. It isn’t “Bob likes it” and then “Bob cuts a check.” There are lots of Bobs who need to sign off on a project before it sees the light of day. That being said, yesterday, for the second time since I’ve been doing this, a company requested the Tone Reel and Pitch Book, and I included a script bible, as well as a link to reviews (the very first link in this newsletter).
The shopping process is pretty standardized. First are the initial readers. They are given purposely vague restrictions to limit submissions. That’s so the production companies don’t miss out on a script they’ll love but also to eliminate obvious misfits. If they’re looking for an apocalyptic action film, they’re not going to want to read a cool LGBTQ+ romance. Or vice versa. Someone will, but not them. So, thus doth the winnowing begin. Then it goes to a layer of professionals who aren’t producers, but are trusted aides, industry professionals, and assistants. This is where 90% of all rejections happen. Then, if it still has a heartbeat, it goes to the people who make ideas into movies. This is where I’m at. They are now attempting to justify the budget. The method for doing that is shrouded in mists and held in secrecy by the financing monks. All I can do is hope, pray, and dance naked in the moonlight in a public parking lot.
Back in the day I looked good naked. Today is not that day.
Now, I promised you free stuff. I did not lie. There’s no trick, you can keep your nudes, I just need your attention.
For a free PDF copy of The Brittle Riders: Book One, just click the link and make your literary life a joy.
This is a great way for Azoth Khem to lure innocents into their apocalyptic web. A lot of people are wondering what the hype is about. That’s a fair question. This is a way for them to join our cult of cool humans for free. You want to be a cool human, don’t you?
Also today, a company rejected Legends Parallel for not being boring enough. That sounds petty, but I saw the projects they picked and every single one was formulaic crap. They may do well, and I wish them no ill, but the production companies should have clarified they were looking for stuff that had already been made.
Think any Bruce Willis film that doesn’t star Bruce Willis.
Also, in the “Not boring” category, my short Twerking for Jesus is being released in NECRONOMI-ROMCOM Vol. 2. The dark edition. You expected nothing less from me, I hope. It’s the fun story of a grandma with a twitchy ass who kicks off the apocalypse. As grandmas are wont to do.
Okay, you’ve been tortured enough. Thanks for reading along and I’ll see you next week.
