Bill McSciFi's Blog

Origanlly posted December 18, 2015 on World News Center.

Since, this year, Christmas Eve falls on a Friday that means, if I want to do our annual Christmas radio show I need to do it today. Which is fine. Christmas is a fun, and interesting, holiday. Steeped in traditions that have nothing to do with its alleged origins it has become a global holiday that brings out the strangest in people. I’ve done my fair share of articles on the day, covering everything from the joys of Christmas poop to how Colonel Sanders is the image used for Santa in Japan. Today I’m not going to talk about those. Instead I’d like to spend some time talking about the two guys who represent the day. From the religious side of things. Because, believe it or not, a long time ago, in a Galilee far away, this whole thing had to do with a dude who said some very nice things and another dude who did some. Let’s take a look at them in chronological order.

First, what is the name of the first dude? As Matt Slick of the Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry notes, that’s easier asked than answered.

A lot of people, including some Messianic Jews (Jews who believe Jesus is the Messiah), will call Jesus by a different name: Yeshua (Hebrew ????????). They say that Yeshua is the Jewish name that Jesus would have been called by those who knew Him. Some messianics and other groups say that Yeshua is Jesus’ real name and that the name “Jesus” is wrong. Others say that it is okay to use either one. But then again, there are those who say that the word, “Jesus,” is pagan in origin and should not be used at all. And if that weren’t enough, some say that “Jesus” is derived from “Zeus” and really means “hail Zeus.” With all these possibilities is there a real answer to what was the Messiah’s real name? Yes, there is. It is found in the New Testament.

YIKES!

Fortunately for us, the nice people at Got Questions (a faith based scholarship website), have the answer.

Some people claim that our Lord should not be referred to as “Jesus.” Instead, we should only use the name “Yeshua.” Some even go so far as to say that calling Him “Jesus” is blasphemous. Others go into great detail about how the name “Jesus” is unbiblical because the letter J is a modern invention and there was no letter J in Greek or Hebrew. Yeshua is the Hebrew name, and its English spelling is “Joshua.” Iesous is the Greek transliteration of the Hebrew name, and its English spelling is “Jesus.” Thus, the names “Joshua” and “Jesus” are essentially the same; both are English pronunciations of the Hebrew and Greek names

Quick note here, no matter which name you use, there’s no requirement in the bible that you only use one language or another. As long as you’re referring to the prophet of the New Testament, you’re golden.

Okay, so now we’ve named him. Let’s take a quick peek at the events leading up to His birth. I wrote Another Birther Conspiracy back in 2012 and, since the facts happened over 2,000 years ago, not much has changed. The one thing that did has been corrected with a minor, parenthetical, edit.

Before we get to the story of the birth of Jesus we need to back track a bit. Specifically we need to go back to 63 BC. That was when Rome invaded, and conquered, Judea, the land of the Jews. The Jews, as you might imagine, did not like being invaded and conquered so there were several minor rebellions. Rome dealt with them in their usual subtle fashion, they killed anyone who opposed them.

Keep in mind that Judea had many great warriors but Rome had an army. There is a massive difference there. And the result of their clash was obvious. In less than a year Judea was a Roman enclave.

Rome wanted two things from Judea; (1) a Mediterranean port for trade and; (2) taxes. The former it got by holding the land, the latter it got by imposing the same method that Romans used on any lands they conquered. A centurion would guesstimate the population of a town or village, round it up and say “You owe Rome this much money every month.” It was then up to whoever the Centurion assigned to collect that money.

In Judea that task fell mainly to the pharisees.

They don’t come off very well in the New Testament, and you can see why. Their job was nearly impossible. They had to keep the Romans happy by taking as much money as possible from their fellow Jews while at the same time keeping the Romans from killing their fellow Jews for sport.

It was a task that made no one happy.

Flash forward to 5 BC. Chinese astronomers recorded that a comet appeared in the spring of that year and hung in the sky for an extended period. It probably got caught in a gravity well for a bit. But whatever the reason, there would have been a glowing object in the sky and, thanks to an optical illusion, it would have appeared to be hanging there as if it just magically appeared.

That seems about right for the Star of Bethlehem.

Now a couple of annoying facts. First off, Rome never counted the people it conquered in any census. They really didn’t consider them people. You were either a Roman citizen or you were chattel. And, to Rome, Jews were chattel unless they, like the family of Saul who became Paul, earned citizenship. Second, I have already noted how the Romans collected taxes. They did it that way to keep everyone in place. The last thing they would do is set the people they worked so hard to conquer loose on roads where they could congregate and foment rebellion.

This would have been especially true of the Jews. Most Roman soldiers were illiterate. (Many) Jews were not. They could read and write from a young age. That’s because, unlike any other contemporary religions, Judaism was memorialized in a book, the Torah. If you wanted to be a good Jew you needed to be able to read the Torah.

So a group of people who could spread a plan for rebellion just by passing slips of paper scared the hell out of the Romans. Better to keep them in their little towns and lord over them with garrison troops.

Which is exactly what they did.

Many scholars have said illiteracy would have been rampant in rural areas populated by Jews, and there is a ton of data to back that up. However, in more metropolitan areas this would not have been true. Nevertheless, since Jesus was born in Nazareth, a/k/a Bu-Fu Nowhere, it’s assumed he was illiterate too. I don’t think so. All you need do is read the Sermon on the Mount to see a man who had a deep grasp of the current social order, was well versed in Mosaic Law, understood the division necessary between Church and State (later exemplified with “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.” [Matthew 22:21]), and had a wicked sense of humor. All signs of a very literate, and educated, man.

Sense of humor?

Oh yeah. Just ask any rabbi to read you Beatitudes in Aramaic, the language Jesus spoke. The rhythm of the speech will be immediately clear to you even if the words are not. It’s the same rhythm comedians still use for one liners to this day. It gets lost by many modern adherents that Jesus was a very funny dude.

All right, so now we’re clear who Jesus was, where he came from, and have a pretty good idea when he was born. Nowhere near December 25th is an acceptable answer if you don’t buy my theory about March in 5 B.C.

The whole late December dating ritual came about since no one had a clear idea when he was born and the Catholic Church needed to incorporate, i.e., override, many pagan holidays. The result was many pagan traditions such as the tree, the gift giving, the candles (e.g., Christmas lights), egg nog, wassailing (the most violent holiday tradition ever back in its day), all got rolled up in what was, a minor and simple celebration.

So how did all of that lead us to Santa Claus? You can thank Jolly Old St. Nick for that. Well, you can thank St. Nicholas, who really wasn’t all that jolly. The nice folks over at National Public Radio did a fun, if watered down, story about the man.

If you celebrate Christmas, you may have found some presents under the tree, and you may believe those mysterious presents came from a jolly old man in a red suit.

He has a lot of names, including Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, Sinterklaas, Noel Baba, Popo Gigio — and of course — St. Nicholas. But believe it or not, St. Nicholas was a real man. He was a bishop, living in the 3rd century, in what’s now modern-day Turkey.

Professor Adam English of Campbell University in North Carolina pieced together the life of St. Nicholas in his new book, The Saint Who Would Be Santa Claus: The True Life and Trials of Nicholas of Myra.

St. Nicholas oversaw a massive transition in the Christian faith, including participating in the Council of Nicaea — the first ecumenical council. Legend has it that he slapped a famous heretic with his sandal. English says the story isn’t true, but his bones show that he had a broken nose.

“So perhaps he did have a violent past, or perhaps he did get into a scuffle or two in his lifetime,” English tells NPR’s Celeste Headlee. But there was one true story that somehow captured the imagination of Christians for centuries.

English says that as a young man, Nicholas had inherited a sum of money. Nicholas hears about a man in town with three daughters on the verge of destitution. So he bags up some gold, and in the middle of the night, anonymously tosses the bag through the window.

Nicholas repeats the act two more times so that the family could use the money as dowries for the daughters, English says. Later legend adds that the window was locked, so Nicholas drops the bag down the chimney, where it lands in a stocking waiting by the fire to dry.

By the twelfth century, English says, nuns in France were making little gifts, leaving them on the doorsteps of children, and signing them “from St. Nicholas.”

None of this, however, was actually connected to Christmas or Christ’s birth. St. Nicholas Day is celebrated on December 6th.

English says that Santa Claus was initially introduced into the American context in the early 19th century. It was a combination of the day’s proximity to Christmas, and an effort by prominent New Yorkers to reclaim their European heritage.

“They were looking for roots, they were looking for traditions,” English says. “They turn to their Dutch heritage, and to be Dutch is to celebrate Sinterklass — celebrate St. Nicholas.”

Today’s image of Santa Claus is very different than that of the original St. Nicholas of Myra. English says he loves the stories of the jolly old man, with rosy cheeks, and a hearty laugh. But he wants to challenge Americans to consider the true story behind St. Nicholas.

“To not only give gifts to our family, those that we love and those that we know,” says English, “but to reach out beyond our family walls to those who we don’t know, who we don’t love, and to include them as well.”

I mentioned that the story was watered down. You see, Turkish sailors have a long tradition of sharing oral histories. And no one is allowed to tell a story unless they get it 100% right. And they have lots of stories about St. Nicholas. Basically, they all come down to this, the 5′ tall, rawboned, Bishop of Myra was perfectly capable of laying your ass right out if you crossed him or he caught you doing bad things. The recent autopsy of his remains seems to confirm that as a part of his charm.

Some people think that learning about this stuff somehow destroys the magic. I’m not one of them. I like to think that knowing the facts around each only adds to the richness of the tapestries their stories weave. When you know that Jesus played the Roman army like a violin to spread His message, you have to be impressed with the tremendous battle of wits He had to wage every day just to stay alive. When you know that St. Nicholas was capable of saving children from slavery, and able to knock the snot out of any miscreant, it just goes to show you how dedicated he was to his cause.

These people did not live in a bubble. They walked and talked and breathed and ate among their contemporaries. Their lives were influenced by their pasts while they held their collective vision on the future. Knowing that doesn’t lessen them. In many ways it makes them greater.

Now, how we ended up here from there says more about us than either of them.

Originally published April 13, 2012 on World News Center.

If you happen to be a prestidigitating paraskevidekatriaphobic then today is wrought with horrible magic for you. For the rest of us it’s another day that’s just as good or bad as any other. Today, if you watch the news, you will be assaulted with lists of all the horrible things that have happened on Friday the 13th through the years. The first will be the fall of the Knights Templar at the duplicitous hands of King Philip IV of France and Pope Clement V on Friday the 13th in October of 1307. That one’s a juicy one since it features the only publically recorded curse attributed to God. Jacques de Molay, as he was about to be burned at the stake, claimed that God would strike both Philip and Clement dead for their deeds and, indeed, both men were dead within less than two months.

You will also hear from many noodle headed experts who will claim this is an ancient tradition, some will say dating back to the bible. These people are, using the technical term, deluded morons. Fridays have been bad news for a while, even Chaucer wrote disparagingly about them in his Canterbury Tales back in the 1,400’s. And the number 13 has, for reasons lost in the mists of time, been one to avoid since Babylon reigned supreme in the Middle East. It is even highly likely that Jesus knew about the superstition and selected the number of His apostles to prove the belief baseless. That would fit well with many of His reality based teachings.

But for any reference specific to Friday the 13th you need to be far more modern.

In 1907 an author named Thomas Lawson released a novel called “Friday the 13th.” In it a man uses superstition and greed to con a bunch of people and manipulate the stock market and cause it to crash. It was a popular book at the time and is also the first recorded use of Friday the 13th. So much for ancient and mystical. If you’re over 50, your grandparents could have had a slightly used copy of this book.

They may have even noted the eerie similarities in his book to the real stock market crash of 1929.

Still other featherheads will point to the 1993 study published in the British Medical Journal which compared the number of auto accidents on any given Friday the 6th versus Friday the 13thand said “Friday the 13th is unlucky for some. The risk of hospital admission as a result of a transport accident may be increased by as much as 52 percent. Staying home is recommended.”

Smart people just went “Hey, wait a minute, that research is horribly flawed.” And they are 100% right. When you compare Friday the 13th with other stressful days such as tax day, major holidays and so on, the accident rate falls right into the norm. In other words, events that cause people to stress out also cause them to become distracted and those distractions lead to accidents.

You know that phrase “It’s all in your head?” Well, in this case it’s true.

Just FYI, the word paraskevidekatriaphobic comes from the Greek; Paraskevi means Friday and dekatreis means 13. You can also call the fear of Friday the 13th Friggatriskaidekaphobia in honor of the Norse God Frigga whose name is where the word Friday comes from.

Yeah, a little etymology to brighten your day.

Okay, now for some meaningless fun.

In Spanish speaking countries, people fear Tuesday the Thirteenth or Martes Trece as it is called. The reason is that that was the day that Constantinople fell to the Ottoman Empire. That tradition does date back hundreds of years and is well documented.

In Italy, home of the Catholic Church and what many believe to be the root of the superstition, the number 13 is considered lucky and the day they avoid is Friday the 17th. So, go figure.

Some folks can’t resist tweaking their noses at superstitions. Black Sabbath released their debut album on Friday the 13th in February of 1970 and they did okay. The 13th book of A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket (a/k/a Daniel Handler) was released on Friday, October 13th, 2006 and he’s made goo-gobs (that’s a financial term) of money. And Adventure/Quest World, an online video game featuring the music of one of my faves, Voltaire, features famous guests every Friday the 13th.

This year there will be three Friday the 13ths and they are spaced 13 weeks apart.

Heh.

But, far be it for me to deny you something legitimate to worry about. On April 13, 2029 (a Friday), the asteroid 99942 Apophis (named after an angry Egyptian god) will come so close to the earth that it will be closer to our atmosphere than our man made satellites. If it gets caught in our gravity well it could do damage of apocalyptic proportions. Or it could just ricochet harmlessly off into space.

This was first published at World News Center (now defunct) on December 14, 2012.

It is, once again, that magical time of the year when we celebrate the birth of many people’s Lord and Savior on the wrong day. And it’s a date that’s not just a little wrong, it’s off by miles. If you have actually read the Bible and have the ability to Google information about weather in North Africa / Middle East you will note that the shepherds, their sheep and so on would have been safely away in their homes in December since it’s winter there too. Granted it’s milder than here, but it’s still winter. If you have access to a globe, stick your finger on Chicago and then drag it east. You’ll discover that Bethlehem isn’t that far south of the Loop. Certainly north of St. Louis. And we all know what December is like here. Or, what it was like before global warming set in. Anyway, He wasn’t born in December. The most likely date appears to be March 6th. Which means Jesus was, most likely, a Pisces. According to astrologist Brian Palenske that means that Jesus “(was) very creative, and, thanks to Venus, Pisces’ exalted planet, (would) seem to be talented at some form of artistry whether or not (he pursued) it as a profession. It’s very important for (a Pisces) to express themselves, and they love doing it with style. Even in their wardrobe they tend to be very original; it’s difficult for anyone born under Pisces to just be part of the crowd.” Well, that explains the white robe thing, doesn’t it? And if the whole loaves and fishes thing doesn’t scream “doing it with style” I don’t know what does. Okay, now that we have that out of the way, lets take a look at Danny Gallager’s list of stuff you probably didn’t know. Well, unless you’re a regular reader here, then you know most of this stuff. But, since we seem to have a bunch of new folks, let’s get them up to speed.

Christmas is full of familiar traditions: carving the ham, leaving cookies out for Santa, listening to Uncle Morty talk about his gall bladder removal surgery while you’re trying to enjoy some egg nog. These staples had to come from somewhere, and since Christmas offers a mix of religious and secular traditions, their origins are just as mixed and varied. Everything from the Christmas tree to the marshmallows on Grandma’s yams got their start somewhere, and many have surprising stories. Take a look at a few things you might not know about Christmas below.

1 Santa Claus’ look wasn’t created by Coca-Cola The internet age has given rise to a lot of silly, unfounded rumors about everything from Walt Disney having his head frozen to Tommy Hilfiger proclaiming on television that he didn’t want minorities wearing his clothes. Even Santa has fallen victim to this scam, despite the fact that he’s technically a non-profit. Some have claimed that Coca-Cola’s iconic portrait of Santa has shaped the way we describe him to children. In reality, he’s actually more of an “evolutionary figure” whose look has been shaped by writers, artists and even historians. Images of the familiar bearded fat man in a red suit appeared in magazines, posters and ads long before Coke’s jolly portrayal of Saint Nick.

2 The New York Knickerbockers (the writers, not the basketball team) helped create the modern American Santa The biggest influence on Santa’s modern look and demeanor came more from a popular group of writers who drew inspiration from an Episcopalian saint. The Knickerbockers of New York wanted to reintroduce Saint Nicholas to society to provide a “cultural counterweight for the commercial bustle and democratic misrule of early nineteenth century New York.” Contributors to the Saint Nicholas project included ‘The Legend of Sleepy Hollow’ author Washington Irving, who wrote a Christmas story about giving and generosity for his fictional ‘Bracebridge Hall’ series in which he described Santa as a large man in a red suit smoking his favorite pipe. Clement Clarke Moore, a contemporary of Irving’s, was inspired by this depiction of Santa for his ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ poem, in which he also described the traditional Santa we know today.

3 Clement Clarke Moore didn’t want ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’ published Also known as ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas,’ the famous Christmas poem that practically invented the modern concept of Santa almost stayed in the drawer. Moore, a 19th century author and classics professor, wrote the poem for his family to celebrate Christmas in 1922, allegedly drawing inspiration for Santa from a pudgy Dutch driver who took his family on a sleigh ride. But Moore never intended for it to be made public. In fact, a close friend of Moore’s actually sent the poem to the Sentinel newspaper, where it was published anonymously. The writer felt the poem was beneath his talents, and when it was published and became a huge hit, he denied authoring it for nearly 15 years. (It was eventually included in an anthology of Moore’s work thanks to the urging of his kids.)

4 Santa didn’t always have a beard Of course, Moore and company weren’t responsible for inventing Santa, just enhancing his image. According to the book ‘One Night Stands with American History,’ 17th century Dutch settlers brought the jolly fat man to America’s shores and their image of Santa was “tall, slender and very dignified” without his trademark beard. (He was based on the traditional Dutch winter figure Sinterklaas.) Artist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast added the beard and the rotund figure in the pages of ‘Harper’s Weekly’ during the latter part of the 19th century.

5 NORAD’s “Santa Tracker” started from an error in a newspaper ad The legend of Santa’s infamous sleigh ride was also perpetuated from a newspaper, but it wasn’t done intentionally. Back in 1955, a Sears ad printed the phone number of a Colorado Springs store so children could tell Santa Claus what they wanted for Christmas. The number was a misprint and instead sent children to the hotline for Colonel Harry Shoup, Director of Operations for the US Continental Air Defense. The calls poured in and instead of blocking the number, the kindly Colonel ordered his staff to give children updates on Santa’s flight coordinates. The tradition has continued to this very day on the local news, the internet and with a special “NORAD Tracks Santa” iPhone app.

6 Santa’s sleigh doesn’t travel at the speed of light Despite what you might think about Santa’s ability to visit every good boy and girl’s home in the world in one night (and if you’re over the age of 10 and still scratching your head about it, you might want to evaluate your priorities), it’s not as astronomical of a feat as you might think. Technically, Santa would have 34 hours to complete his task thanks to the International Date Line and, according to the U.S. Department of Energy’s “Fermilab,” his sleigh would only have to travel at 99.999999% of the speed of light assuming he only visits 800 million houses over the entire surface area of the Earth.

7 Santa has a real postal zip code Every year, post offices across America, Canada and other parts of the world are flooded with letters from kids addressed to Santa Claus. The Canadian Post Office receives so many that some postal workers started answering the letters. As the demand increased, the postal service set up a special zip code for Santa as part of their annual “Santa Letter-writing Program” literacy initiative. The zip code? H0H 0H0, of course.

8 Santa is the world’s richest man He may not be in the gift giving business for the big bucks, but Santa still needs money to keep his operation rolling. (And to pay for the elves’ dental plan. Those elf unions are ruthless.) Thankfully, Santa’s wealth surpasses even Scrooge McDuck’s money bin. Forbes compiled a list of the world’s richest fictional people and St. Nick topped it with a net worth of infinity. This beats the world’s current net worth record holder, Mexican investor Carlos Slim Helu, who only topped out at a measly $74 billion. No wonder Santa’s so jolly.

9 Donner and Blitzen weren’t originally part of Santa’s reindeer The reindeer that take Santa on his trip also underwent some rebranding through history. In the original draft of ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas,’ Donner and Blitzen went by the far clunkier monikers “Dunder” and “Blixem.” The names, much like Santa, were taken from the Dutch oath for the words that mean “thunder and lightning.” Over time, editors tinkered with the reindeer names we are familiar with today. After all, it’s pretty hard to think of Rudolph as the outcast reindeer when he’s on a team with a guy named “Dunder.”

10 ‘Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer’ was created as a promotion for Montgomery Ward Speaking of Rudolph, the most famous of Santa’s reindeer came to life as part of a commercial promotion. His first appearance was in a story written in 1939 by ad copywriter Robert L. May that was published in a Montgomery Ward department store promotional booklet given out to children visiting Santa. Since Rudolph was created for Montgomery Ward, the department store owned the copyright and May received no royalties after it became a huge success. Sadly, May almost went bankrupt paying for his ailing wife’s medical bills before finally convincing Montgomery Ward to give him the rights to the plucky reindeer. Rudolph became an even bigger success when May set the story to music with the help of his songwriter brother-in-law Johnny Marks. A famous rendition recorded by Gene Autry became one of the best-selling Christmas songs of all time, selling more than two million copies.

11 Jesus Christ wasn’t born on December 25 The Christian celebration of Christmas is meant to praise the birth of Jesus Christ, but churchgoers might want to check the date before they wrap up a fruit cake and put a bow on it for Our Lord and Savior. In fact, early theologians put Jesus’ birthday all over the calendar, from November 18th by one Alexandrian bishop to March 28th by the anonymous “De Pascha Computus” document found in North Africa. The truth is that the Bible doesn’t specify a date or time of Jesus’ birth. Dec. 25th was chosen in the fourth century, most likely because it was also the day of two similar pagan holidays that influenced the formation of Christmas– the birthday of Mithra and the Feast of Saturnalia.

12 St. Nicholas is more than just the patron saint of children The man who inspired Santa and practically the entire Christmas holiday may portray the beauty of giving and helping children in need, but Catholics in seven countries recognize him as much more than just the patron saint of kids. According to legend, the real Saint Nicholas did such good deeds as giving money to a man’s daughters so they could avoid a life of prostitution and rescuing three children from a crazy butcher. The book ‘Saints Preserved: An Encyclopedia of Relics,’ also reveals that jolly ol’ St. Nick is also the patron saint of unmarried women, prisoners, thieves and pawnbrokers. (Apparently Santa’s “naughty or nice” list was a bit more flexible back in the day.)

13 ‘Xmas’ doesn’t remove Christ from ‘Christmas’ Many publications and ads like to print the innocuous sounding ‘Xmas’ to prevent them from scaring away any non-Christian customers. But if they knew the true origin for the word, they’d probably opt for the full version and call it a day. According to ‘From Adam’s Apple to Xmas: An Essential Vocabulary Guide for the Politically Correct,’ the word “Christianity” was spelled “Xianity” as far back as 1100 as a symbolic syllable for “Christ.” The syllable became ‘X’temmas’ in 1551 and was eventually shortened to “Xmas.”

14 Massachusetts Puritans actually banned Christmas by law Cable news networks love to roll out stories about the never-ending “War on Christmas” by showing how businesses and governments are trying to be politically correct by referring to the Christmas season as “the holidays.” But there was one group who nearly did what The Grinch failed to accomplish — they stopped Christmas from coming. The early American Puritans of Massachusetts enacted a law in 1659 that made it illegal to celebrate Christmas since Puritans didn’t believe it to be the true date of their savior’s birth. The law carried a punishment of five shillings.

15 ‘Jingle Bells’ was written for Thanksgiving, not Christmas It’s hard to go more than five minutes without hearing the familiar tune of ‘Jingle Bells’ running through your head during the month of December. The truth is that you should have been hearing it in November. According to Menta_Floss Magazine, composer James Lord Pierpont wrote the song in the 1850s to play for his Boston Sunday school class during Thanksgiving as a way to commemorate the famed Medford sleigh races. Kids and adults loved the song and eventually changed the lyrics to fit Christmas. No word on whether the original lyrics contained the line, “Dashing through the snow, in a one-turkey open sleigh.”

16 The man who wrote the melody for ‘O Holy Night’ was Jewish While the Christmas classic ‘O Holy Night’ may have heavy Christian overtones, one of the men who brought it to fruition and helped spread its popularity was actually a member of the Jewish faith. The lyrics for the song were written in 1847 by Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure in France after a parish priest asked him to pen a song for his Christmas mass. The wine merchant wasn’t a noted churchgoer, but he was a poet of some renown and was happy to help with a tune. ‘Cantique de Noel’ needed a melody and he turned to his friend, composer Adolphe Charles Adams who wrote operas and became famous for his ballet interpretation of ‘Faust.’ The song became a hit with the church, but when leaders discovered Adams’ Jewish faith, they denounced the song and deemed it unfit for its “total absence of the spirit of religion.”

17 Mistletoe was once believed to be an aphrodisiac Everyone hopes they’ll be able to steal a kiss from underneath this staple of holiday flora, but some hoped it would help them get a whole lot more. The poisonous fruit bearing plant has long been a symbol of virility and fertility, but the Druids actually believed it worked as a physical aphrodisiac. The spirited use of the plant gathered during the winter solstice eventually led to the kissing tradition that continues to make drunken office holiday parties extremely awkward the world over.

18 “Mistletoe” has a strange meaning in the Germanic language Of course, if you knew what the name “mistletoe” actually meant, you’d be less inclined to stand under it. The quasi-parasitic plant has a “symbiotic relationship” with a bird called the mistle thrush. The bird eats the berries, digests the seeds and then leaves droppings which eventually grow into new mistletoe plants. Which explains why the Germanic word for “mistletoe” literally means “dung on a twig.”

19 Buying the gifts from the ’12 Days of Christmas’ will cost you Sure, things like “Lords ‘a leaping” and “maids ‘a milking” might not sound like the most exciting gifts once could receive. But if you knew the price tag, you’d immediately regret the lousy gift cards you got for your loved ones. Every year around the holidays, PNC Wealth Management calculates the costs of the gifts in the song. The price index for the gifts in the ’12 Days of Christmas’ went from $12,673 in 1984 to more than $24,000 for 2011. The most expensive gift is the “Swans ‘a swimming,” valued this year at $6,300. That’s not including the medical bills you’d incur trying to wrangle said swans.

20 One of the first commercially sold artificial Christmas trees was made from toilet brushes Artificial Christmas trees might be seen as tacky, modern takes on the classic Douglas-fir, but they are actually much older than you might think. The oldest fake trees date back to 1886 in London and were made out of green raffia, the twine that is more commonly used to make grass hula skirts. Other varieties were made in the latter part of the 19th century in Germany and used tabletop feathers from geese that were dyed pine-green. Then the Addis Brush Company used their toilet brush weaving machinery to create pine-like branches for their fake Christmas trees. They were less flammable, held heavier decorations and could make your toilet bowl sparkling clean.

21 Candy canes used to be “pure white” Few things say Christmas more than those sugary sticks of red and white deliciousness. There was a time, however, when they weren’t red and white.(Although we imagine they were still pretty tasty.) The familiar Christmas treats started popping up around the 17th century as Europeans started using trees to celebrate the Christian holiday season and made special foods to decorate them with. Candy canes first appeared around 1670 when a cathedral choirmaster would hand out the all-white confections to children to keep them occupied during Christmas mass. While no one knows exactly who gave candy canes their stripes, one (unproven) theory has it that the “J” shape was once meant to stand for Jesus and the three stripes represent the Holy Trinity. (Red is meant to represent the blood of Christ. Chew over that the next time you bite into a tasty candy cane.)

22 Teddy Roosevelt banned Christmas trees at the White House Today, the White House’s annual Christmas tree lighting is a hallowed tradition. But try telling that to Teddy Roosevelt, who didn’t think the event was very majestic. In fact, he found it so infuriating that he enacted a total ban on putting up a tree in the White House during his term. In fact, in 1902, Roosevelt’s son Archie snuck his own Christmas tree into the house which he hid in a closet. Was the 26th President a Scrooge? Nope, just an avid outdoorsmen and conservationist who found deforestation revolting.

23 Jesus was actually born in a cave The familiar scene of a manger filled with animals as the baby Jesus enters the world pops up in front of every church even before Christmas has a chance to start. However, it’s more likely that Jesus came into the world from a cave. According to the gospel of Luke, the shepherds that helped find shelter for Mary to give birth kept their flock in a cave. The Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem is built over the cave (dubbed “The Grotto of the Nativity”) where Jesus is believed to have been born.

24 Christmas wasn’t an official holiday in America until 1870 The holiday might seem like an ancient tradition steeped in history, but it’s much younger than you might think. Christmas didn’t became an official federal holiday until June 26, 1870. The holiday mostly got its start in Pagan roots as an excuse for drunken revelry, which wasn’t appealing to the strict Christian Puritans. Early in America’s birth, some states started recognizing Christmas and a lobby started for a national holiday for Thanksgiving and Christmas to strengthen the nation’s unity.

25 Iceland has 13 Santas including one that kidnaps children If you thought making children believe in one Santa was hard enough, be thankful you don’t live in Iceland. Their Christmas tradition has 13 “Yuletide Lads” who either leave presents or pull pranks for children during the 26 day holiday season as a reward or punishment for their behavior. For instance, Grýla is a horrifying old woman who kidnaps children on Christmas if they have been naughty. Though technically that’s really more of a present for the parents.

Let’s not forget that Jolly Old St. Nick is the patron saint of lawyers in France and that the demon Krampus can steal and eat your children in Austria this holiday season.

In case you wondered what people have against France and Austria, now you know.

This article first appeared on World News Center on Mon, 29 Nov 2010.

In keeping with my, inadvertent, Christmas theme, I thought I’d take a minute to talk about some of the time honored traditions that make people feel good this time of year. While many folks are stunned when they find out that baby Jesus wasn’t born under a glowing pine tree and there’s not one single mention of the little drummer boy anywhere in the Gospels (neither synoptic nor gnostic), the stories still live on. One tradition has become a staple of the holiday season; caroling. Or, to be more historically accurate, wassailing. Now, speaking as an Irish cliché, this is one tradition I understand. Like all well conceived ideas, this one was spawned by drunks with rocks. Nothing says “Happy Holidays!” to me more than the thought of staggering by people’s homes and demanding booze. Let the kids keep the watered down version of candy and costumes for Halloween, I’m sticking with the grown ups and threatening anyone who doesn’t fill my cup. Monica Garske from AOL News takes a joyous look at the history of caroling.

Christmas caroling has long been a favorite tradition of church groups, elderly choirs and children, but did you know that the first groups of carolers were nothing but a bunch of rowdy drunks? That’s the tune from David McKillop, senior vice president of programming for the History Channel, who recently talked to AOL News about the network’s upcoming holiday special, “The Real Story of Christmas,” premiering Nov. 29 at 9 p.m. ET. The TV special examines the surprising historical origins of our most bizarre Christmas customs, including why some of us go door to door singing holiday songs to any strangers who will listen. McKillop said the origin of caroling dates back to the pagan celebration of the winter solstice, when Christmas was regarded as a festival of pure joy and drunken revelry. Oh, and prayer was involved somewhere in there too. According to McKillop, groups of poor medieval carolers would go around to houses singing and begging for food and drinks, threatening to throw rocks through the windows of anyone who refused to give them a handout. They literally “went medieval” on people. “They would get very, very rowdy. Eventually, the drunken revelry got too out of hand, and Christmas was banned for years in America in the 16th and 17th centuries,” explained McKillop. Sheesh. Sounds like an episode of “Carolers Gone Wild.” If you don’t open your door to singing strangers this year, no one will blame you. McKillop said those same ancient winter-solstice celebrations — which usually lasted 12 days — gave rise to the tradition of burning a yule log, often mentioned in classic Christmas songs. “People would try to find the biggest log possible to burn in a fireplace, to keep the light and warmth going during the 12 days of the feast,” he said. Another fun fact: Santa Claus wasn’t always so chummy and cheery. In fact, he was kind of a downer who ran with a bad crowd. McKillop said the St. Nick of old European legend was said to be accompanied not by elves but by an impish little devil creature named “Krampus” who beat up and kidnapped naughty children. “If kids were bad, Krampus would leave them bad gifts. I think that’s where the idea of giving people coal for Christmas first sprouted. That Krampus was mean,” said McKillop.

Garske and McKillop take a look at quite a few other traditions, so make sure to read the whole article. So, this holiday season, when you’re hanging with a sexy, little, elf, drinking yourself into oblivion and trying to convince all who are unfortunate enough to listen that you’re really a tenor, just remember that you’re honoring a centuries old custom. And if anyone doesn’t like it, throw a rock at them.

This will be the last McSciFi newsletter of 2024. I know you all have lives to live, American readers have birds to carve, and our friends in Panama will be partying hard celebrating their Independence from Spain. So, yeah, Happy Holidays seems the safest bet.

Let’s end this year on a high note. As promised, Azoth Khem has a skippy new website that’s easier to navigate and allows you to check out their newest author, Margret Treiber. Margret has been one of my favorite authors for years. She’s funny, insightful, and has such taut writing you could bounce coins off of it. You probably shouldn’t, but you could.

Make sure to check out the Gary Legal TV trailer for her latest novel, Japanese Robots Love to Dance.

It’s tough being a robot – unrealistic expectations from humans, long hours, lack of social interaction. And what can you do when unscrupulous owners break the law? Humans have attorneys, and so should you. Sometimes, you just need a good lawyer to do what a robot can’t. – Gary Legal, attorney at law.

Holidays are downtime in the entertainment industry. In other words, they are the best time to schedule meetings that can run long. I recently had one such meeting. Not only did it run long, it resulted in me presenting The Brittle Riders’ Pitch Deck to a major streaming service. They promised to get back to me within four months. That allows them time to present it to any parties who might be interested or have a say in the project moving forward.

If you don’t know what a pitch deck is, I suggest you click that link and enjoy. It’s a pictorial synopsis of the project being considered. Given the scope of The Brittle Riders, it was an arduous task whittling it down to a one-hour presentation. After a while, we stopped trying. Instead, we took several scenes from the book and created one hell of an action-packed thrill ride. That script is now on the desks of two major companies. One has scheduled a call for early December, and the other is still passing it around the office. As my lawyer noted, when you have to sign multiple NDAs just to take the meeting, you’re on the right path.

From his email to God’s monitor.

One potential investor ran the script through an AI program to see what kind of overview synopsis it would generate.

I’m not a fan of AI, but I’m not displeased.

With its unique blend of genres and thought-provoking themes, The Brittle Riders Begins is sure to appeal to fans of Mad Max, The Lord of the Rings, and other post-apocalyptic and fantasy franchises. The story’s rich world-building, complex characters and thrilling action sequences make it a must-see for anyone seeking an immersive and emotionally resonant sci-fi/fantasy experience.

As always, you can head over to my website at BillMcSciFi.com and do all your holiday shopping. Since I just finished my last public appearance, I have some stock left over sitting in my living room. You could have autographed copies winging their way to a loved one or associate you wish to impress, and they’ll have it in time for the holidays.

I thank you for taking this journey with me. We’ve come a long way from me poaching time at someone else’s book signing and begging people to read my scribblings to where we are now. And, as Mrs. McSciFi likes to say, it’s all just beginning.

Happy Holidays!

Way back in the land time forgot, I worked for a record company. At one point, I produced a music video for a rapper named Nemesis and his song Grief. Two announcers on BET called it “the most ghetto video ever made.” One meant it as a compliment; the other assuredly did not. I once wrote a short story that was deemed “a waste of 4000 words.” The story, George, went on to be included in an international anthology called Just a Minor Malfunction and received many positive reviews that did not note the word count. I bring this up as a reminder that not everyone is going to like what you do.

As a writer you learn to take the good with the bad. If you can’t, you end up in a rubber room watching soap operas on mute.

All of that leads us to this. I made some changes in McSciFi world. I’ll share them in detail in a moment, but you’d think I’d skinned a cat in church in front of the ladies auxiliary. Or you’d think I was a gallon of awesome sauce waiting to be poured out unto the world. Apparently, there is no middle ground.

The first thing I did was remove all references to The Brittle Riders from all new promos for Goptri of the Mists. I’m led to believe this is blasphemy. The reason is simple: people in India have been reading Goptri as a stand-alone series without any knowledge of The Brittle Riders. I feared they were missing a lot but, upon a recent re-reading, I discovered they’re not missing a thing. The books do well on their own. Now that I have you salivating in anticipation, thanks, Pavlov, allow me to share the new promotional pitch with you.

The Sanskrit word Goptri means “military governor, ruler, or protector.” It can also be translated as “secret” or “hidden.” Both meanings work in Bill McCormick’s latest trilogy. The original Goptri in the series is named Manish. His rise to power begins when an enemy ambassador shoots his wife, Arti.

Spoiler alert: she lives.

Manish becomes a very public leader, but his office is responsible for one of the most secret species in the world, one that contains the memories of the most violent human who ever lived. Discovery of their existence could start another civil war.

All of this is merely the beginning of a galaxy-spanning tale of intrigue, betrayal, and bloody retribution.

Don’t miss out.

The second thing I did was update my website. Brand new splash page, cleaner navigation, and better options for purchasing autographed works and custom gear. These two messages, one edited for spelling, from LinkedIn sum things up nicely.

“REMOVE (the new splash page) OR I’LL CALL THE POLICE AND THEY’LL BRING THE GOVERNMENT AND TAKE YOU AND YOUR UGLY FAMILY TO GITMO WHERE ALL YOU UNDESIRABLES ARE SENT ….”

… and …

“I have had the pleasure of reading some of your short stories and now find I must purchase your long form works. What a wonderfully broken view of the world you have. Thank you for sharing.”

However you feel about my stuff, you can tell me in person this Sunday, November 24, since I will be signing books and telling people how cool they are at the Rock Shop’s Lit Fest at Thorton Distillery Company located at 400 E. Margaret St, Thornton, IL. 60476 from Noon until 5:00 PM. They have homemade booze, something that is now considered posh, and an excellent menu.

Thanks for reading along. Next week, I’ll wrap up the year and introduce you to the brand-new Azoth Khem website which will also introduce you to an exciting new author I’m honored to share a publisher with.

Stay sane and safe.

Yes, I used a noun as a verb in the header. That’s what us cutting-edge writers do. We also drink our coffee black and smoke our smokes down to the filter until we are finally forced to quit smoking. Which I did in March of 2020.

Before I dive in the deep end, allow me to welcome all the new people from the Silver Dagger Book Tour. I’ve done a few of these digital tours before, but this one rocked at every level. The idea is to get eyes on your products, and this succeeded by any metric. From the hundreds of Twitter posts to the online reviews (click the prevoius link to read them all), it’s clear we have begun a new generation of Brittle Riders readers.

For all my cosplay fans, below are drawings of the Succubi from The Brittle Riders. Depending on the crowd you’re in, you may also wish to add some tasteful breast coverings. I will note that, according to the young ladies who cosplayed as Succubi a few years back, tequila can make you uncomfortably hot, and then those breast coverings must be removed.

Yes, there were pictures. No, I’m not sharing.

Also, I’m well aware that store-bought wings can run up to $500 a set. If you click this YouTube link, you’ll find a tutorial on how to make them yourself for a microscopic fraction of the cost. Bonus? You can match the wings’ color to your skin color.

As another bonus, I’ve included other images of characters from The Brittle Riders just in case wings aren’t your thing.

Never let it be said I’m not a giver.

Since the day Legends Parallel debuted back in 2016 cosplayers have been jumping in on the action. A man, his mom, and her lover have to save the multiverse. No one said this shit would be easy. The perfect series for those who think quantum physics isn’t sexy or violent enough. The provocative, wild, characters are fun to reimagine. Granted, if you want to portray Jack of Spades, you have to, as the kids say, be cut like Goku. Oshun’s dedicated dismissal of body modesty opens up a plethora of options. Her most demure costume consists of a red flower bikini. Yes, it’s an itsy bitsy, teensy weensy, red flowered bikini. That’s all she wore when walked out the door.

Marcie’s Marvels has captured the imaginations of young girls across the country. Marcie is a super-powered teen who fights the exploitation and bullying of teens wherever she can. Marcie’s Marvels is based on the life of a young girl named Marcie who killed herself after suffering endless bullying. Her mother decided to use her daughter’s tragedy to provide hope to others. With that in mind, she started the MJG Movement as a Children’s Advocacy organization dedicated to serving as a resource for children and families that are victims of sexual abuse and suicide.

If you send pics, and I hope you will, specify what I can and cannot share. Thanks for being wonderful!

Until next time, stay safe, sane, and clad in all the latest McSciFi gear.